Breaking out text to make it more readable

For this discussion topic, imagine that you are an intern at Applex, Inc. You work in the human resources (HR) department.

One of the administrators in HR, Harold, has drafted an email message to inform employees at Applex, Inc. about the tuition remission benefit that the company offers.

However, your supervisor has asked you to look at the message and improve it before it is sent out.

Your supervisor said to you, When Harold writes a message, we usually get about 15-20 email messages from employees asking for clarity on what the message was saying. This message looks no different. I think many employees will be confused by Harolds message. Please try to improve it.

You look at the message written by Harold. The message reads as follows:

Employees at Applex, Inc. can be eligible for tuition remission for some classes. You can apply by filling out the attached tuition remission form. You can apply for tuition remission if the class will improve your understanding of AI tools in communication. You can apply for tuition remission if you are an employee in good standing. That means that your most recent performance evaluation received a rating of good or higher. Also, the two institutions we have an agreement with are Fordson Community College and Ryers Institute. You can apply for tuition remission if the class is taken at either Fordson Community College or Ryers Institute. You have to earn a grade of C or higher for the class in order to receive the tuition remission. One more thing: You must be a full-time employee in order to qualify for the tuition remission. Part-time employees are not eligible for the tuition remission. Also, you need to have worked at Applex for a minimum of four months. Of course, the tuition remission is paid out after the class ends (thats how we know you got a C or better). So you have to submit a copy of the transcript with the grade for the class. You also submit the receipt for the class. Then Payroll processes the payment. The payment shows up in your paycheck for the next pay period.

You send the transcript and the receipt to .You have to first apply for tuition remission using the attached form. You send that to . Then, when HR determines the class is fine and you are eligible, you take the class. Then you submit the transcript and receipt. You should apply for tuition remission at least two weeks before the class starts. HR takes seven business days to give you their decision as to whether or not they approve of the tuition remission.

If you have any questions, contact Harold Munch at .

In revising the message, start with the following:

Applex, Inc. offers tuition remission for its employees. You may apply for tuition remission if…

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In considering strategies in rewriting the message, observe the tips mentioned in the following lecture in our class in Content for week 3, Breaking Out Your Text for the Audience.

In revising the message, start with the following:

Applex, Inc. offers tuition remission for its employees. You may apply for tuition remission if…